I've gained a pound and am back up to 155. ::groan:: I expected it would be more if I'm honest, but still pissed off at myself.
I'm unsure as to whether I can avoid food entirely today as I'm off to a friends housewarming party and though she's dieting herself I think a lot of the food will be junk food, dripping in grease and marinades, with goodness knows how many calories hidden beneath.
I'm dreading it. I already cancelled on her once this year, to be fair I was genuinely ill and was advised by a nurse to stay in bed and get some rest, so I did. But I felt awful for letting her down.
I suppose I could go for an hour, make an appearance as they say, and show my face. I don't want to, I can't face it. Not when I'm so disappointed in myself.
On the bright side I have no money, which means I'll have to walk the 2 miles there and 2 miles back, so at least I'll get some exercise.
But still, ugh. When did I become so despondent and uninterested in everything. Thoughts of food, calories, exercise and numbers on the scale fill every part of my mind. It's obsessive, but I want to be thin so much it aches. I want to look incredible by Christmas so that I don't feel like the fat one on the day.
My stomach is churning and I feel so cold right now. I'm wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa, and the tips of my fingers are like ice.
Time to put the heating on I think.
How ironic... Ana's Song by Silverchair is coming on Scuzz. Lol.
GSK xoxo
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