Damn you brioche

Honestly, I've been so good, the scales this morning told me I'm down to 144 which is great news, been a long time since I've been this weight I can tell you.  Was so pleased.  


Then I took my son grocery shopping.  What a huge mistake.


As we were walking down the bakery aisle, which is difficult for me because I do really love bread products though I know they are really high in cals but my son needs to eat so you know, you kinda have to just get on with it.  He spotted a bag of 8 milk chocolate brioche and asked if we could get some for him to try.  Now, the problem with my son is that he's a very fussy eater (wonder who he gets that from eh??) so as always when we buy a new food, either me or his dad try it first to determine whether it is something he'll actually eat.  So with his dad at work it was left to me to try the brioche.  And boy do I wish I hadn't.


It is absolutely divine, and 184 cals a roll.  Gorgeous buttery chocolatey wonderfulness in a bag.  And as soon as I had the first mouthful I knew I was in trouble.  Before I knew what had happened I had eaten 4 brioche.  4!!!  What a fat cow am I?!  And the bad part is that I still want more.  Grrr!  Trust me, as usual, to get onto a good run and then fuck it up.  


Well with it being late in the day there is bugger all I can do about it now, unless I can fit some exercise in before bed...which I think I'm going to have to and then maybe if I get up early in the morning and fit a workout in before I weigh myself then fingers crossed I may be okay and perhaps will maintain my weight which would be much better than the gain I think I'll get.


I want so much to be in better control of my binge eating side, but I just can't.  Every day is an intense battle between my 2 destructive personalities.  Heffy (short for Heffalump) the binge eater, and Connie (my nickname for control) the restrictive.  In one moment Heffy is triumphing and I am binge eating much to Connie's anger.  The next moment I am hating myself as Connie pushes Heffy aside and yells ENOUGH as loud as she can, making my head hurt and the dizziness sets in.  It is very difficult to try to reason with these two figures who truly hate each other, in order to make them work together I need to give in a little to each one every day otherwise I end up worse off.  In a sense what I mean is I tend to please Connie first in the mornings when I am least hungry anyway and then come dinner time I please Heffy and eat a little more than I should.  This is my way of trying to keep things in balance.  I know that one day one of them will truly triumph over the other and everything will fall out of my control.  But for now there is balance, I am too tired to show them who is boss.


AK xoxo