Kittens are frickin' stronger than me!  Seriously.

Was doing good all day, only went over my 500 cals by 22 cals which, whilst it wasn't exactly good, it wasn't exactly terrible either.

Then I gave in to temptation.

Mother had persuaded me to buy some savoury pies for us for lunch, there were 4 in the bag.  We each had one for lunch and that's why I went slightly over my cals.  Not the end of the world right?  Wrong.

Mother went home after dinner and I went into the kitchen to get a drink, and there they were.  The ironically not-so-greasy bag with 2 pies in staring at me on the kitchen counter.

Before I knew what I was doing I had eaten one of them.  The other one is still sitting in the bag on the counter.

After I'd eaten it all I could hear was Ana laughing.  It was torture.  'You'll regret it in the morning you weak stupid girl' she taunted.  And she's right, after all, she knows what she's talking about.

The temptation to purge and relieve myself of this guilty burden is overwhelming.  I musn't.  I shouldn't.  

You know what?  I'm not going to purge.  I deserve to gain weight.  Maybe it will teach me a lesson.  Hunger pangs fade, temptation eventually becomes easier to resist, but the desire to be thinner and thinner will never diminish.

There is light at the end of my tunnel still, and though it is far in the distance yet, it is most definitely there.

I hope anyone reading this had a more successful day than me.

GSK xoxo

NB:  End of day calorie count was 824.  I disgust myself.  Tomorrow I will do better Ana, I promise.

Lost half a pound and am down to 154.5.  Better than a gain I guess.  


Yesterday I did go slightly over my 500 cals, only by 39 cals, but that's still not good enough.


At dinner time the hunger was driving me mad and I wanted to ransack the cupboards to satisfy it.  But then a voice who I suspect is the lovely Ana herself said 'But honestly, is it worth it?  You'll be complaining tomorrow if you have a gain and I'll be sat here laughing and saying I told you so.'  So I shut the cupboard and had a diet pepsi.


After a while the hunger actually felt good and I felt powerful for it.  I'm still in control and that's what counts.


Also, I think I may need to buy some new scales.  The ones I have seem thoroughly unreliable, like they were when I joined Slimming World, but they're all I have right now.  I do wonder whether when I get some new scales the weight I have lost might be more.  And that's a bag full of motivation right there.


I spent last night searching the internet for lovely dresses to wear on Christmas Day.  The thin ladies modelling the clothes on the websites spurred me on even more.  I can't wait to be that thin.

Today I've had a new treat for breakfast, Kingsmill Apple Filled Pancakes.  I only had one but they are yummy and at 113 cals per pancake (yes I only had one) they're lower in cals that 2 slices of toast with light margarine, so happy days.


I'm sure today will be a better day...or will it?  It's Thursday, which means grocery shopping with Mother.  And lunch with her.  Hmmm....


Must stay strong, my willpower is strong.  And so am I!


GSK xoxo

I've lost a pound and am finally down to 155 lbs.  Whilst I'm happy that I've lost something, I seem to be really struggling to shift this weight.  Normally it would be so easy.  What the hell is happening to my body?


Surely it's not comfortable carrying all this fat, I'm trying to make the burden it bears lighter.


Time to restrict restrict restrict!  No more than 500 cals per day.  I will not be this fat.


GSK xoxo

No joy with the juice fast again.  Stayed with it until dinner time and then I went so light headed in the kitchen that I nearly collapsed.  Then I remembered something.


My doctor had told me a few weeks ago that my blood pressure is unusually low and that I need to eat to keep myself from collapsing as the low BP can cause me to go light headed and dizzy, so not to add anything else to the list that may cause me to drop.


That could very well mean no fasting at all, purely for health reasons.  Damnnit!


I can't stand the idea of staying this size, I sicken myself on a daily basis.  Fuck I hate this.  I get myself into the right frame of mind and then everything gets stacked against me.  As per.


I would honestly hate myself if I collapsed in front of my son.  He's 5.  God, just imagine how traumatic that would be for him.  I love him more than anything else in the entire world and I won't screw up his life or distort his view on things just because I'm screwed up.  Trying to keep things normal for him while my mind races thinking about how I can avoid this or that, or find a lower cal option, or consume less....its exhausting.


I feel like gagging when I'm making dinners for him, but at the end of the day his health is my priority.
Gosh, things have gotten so hard and I'm feeling so low, like I've hit rock bottom right now.  I lay on the sofa this afternoon while he was at school and I was watching a film with Sarah Michelle Gellar in.  Looking at her so thin and radiant was inspirational.  She has a gorgeous body.  Shame I think she could do with a bag on her head but such is life.  One persons beauty is another's ugliness.


Despondent and hopeless I'm going to head to bed.


GSK xoxo

Another Day, Another Maintain

Am still 156 lbs.  And after the nightmare day of yesterday I am eternally grateful!


I've refocused my mind and have stuck to the liquid fast so far (I'm aware I said yesterday I was doing a juice fast and I am, but I can't start the day without a cup of tea, it's my little pick me up that I can't give up).


Breakfast consisted of a cup of tea with 2 sweetener tabs and 50 mls semi skimmed milk - 28.8 cals and a 200ml glass of 100% (got it right this time) Pure Tropical Fruit Juice (Tropicana) - 94 cals.


Good good good :)


I plan to avoid changes to my day at all costs today so I can see this fast through to the end.  I really hope I get a loss tomorrow.  Just the sight of food repulsed me this morning.  Now that is something that hasn't happened in quite some time.


I relish this mindset.  It makes me feel stronger and more in control.  I love it.


GSK xoxo

Well so much for the frickin' liquid fast.  And I started out with such good intentions as well.


Then the day intervened.  ::groan::


I was doing well, had my vitamin water and my cup of tea as planned (123.8 cals) and all was okay.  Took my son to school, came home and poured myself a glass of apple, raspberry and pomegranate juice.


Then my Father called me, asking me if I could nip to his house and help him to send some photographs to my Brother that he took at his wedding via email.  Sigh.  Finished my juice and went round there only to find that he'd made me a bacon sandwich as a thank you for helping him.  I said to him that I would have done it for nothing but no, he shoved the 284 cal sandwich at me saying he insisted.  Fuck fuck fuck!  Seeing no way out I ate the damn sandwich, and I felt sick as anything with every bite.  There goes my fucking liquid fast.  So pissed off!


Got back home and wanted to purge.  I haven't purged since I had nausea in my pregnancy but couldn't throw up so I had to make myself sick to feel better.  Went into the bathroom but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. What a frickin' wuss!


The rest of the day went downhill from there because I lacked willpower or the urge to give a fuck.  I wouldn't say I binge ate, but I certainly ate like a hippo.  I ended up having another cup of the juice, 2 cups of tea, 3 Quirks biscuits, and a packet of Ryvita Salt And Vinegar Mini's.  Holy crap I'm a waste of oxygen.  That came to 973.4 cals.


Oh plus a bowl of Special K Honey Nut Clusters, 45grams with 100mls of semi skimmed milk - 284 cals.


Total for the day is an unacceptable 1257.4 cals.  Sick fuck!


Also on a side note, the juice I bought turned out to be mostly crap and made from concentrate.  I thought it seemed high in cals for a glass, at 119.  Went to the supermarket and bought some 100% Tropical Fruit Juice for tomorrow.  Juice fast here I come.  Just juice, and water if I'm really thirsty.  Very angry at myself.  Worse that I've been in a long while.  Stupid fat heiffer that I am!


Goodnight my skinnier than moi readers, this gal needs some beauty sleep.


GSK xoxo

Bring on the fluids! ::smile::

Well the scales say I've maintained this morning. 156 lbs.

In a way I'm grateful that I escaped a gain. I totally expected a gain but a maintain after the day I had yesterday is most welcome.

But my seeming lack of commitment to reaching my UGW makes me so mad at myself. I was doing so well when I started out, losing 4.5 lbs in just 3 days and then a half pound gain and a maintain. That's just not acceptable.

So today I'm going to stick to the liquid fast I've set myself. God knows that right now I need it. I have been avoiding the mirror for a few days and decided to take a look last night after my bath to see if my body had changed at all.

But alas, the same fat belly, thunder thighs, double chin, bingo wings and bottom the size of a small country wobbled back at me. So utterly disgusting.

My BF bought my outfit for Halloween yesterday and the largest size they had was a size 10 - 12 (US size 6 - 8) and since I'm currently a size 14 (US size 10) it is welcome motivation to hit my goals.

I think that in order to fit into the dress I'm going to have to shift at least 20 lbs before 31st October. Motivate away :D

Okay time for breakfast. A cup of tea with 50 mls semi skimmed milk with 2 sweetener tabs - 28.8 cals and a VitaminWater - 95 cals. Yum yum yum.

GSK xoxo

Okay all, this is just a quickie update because my BF is upstairs washing our son.

Today hasn't gone TOO bad, but still not necessarily good either.

BF went taking our son swimming and I managed to fit a Davina high impact aerobics workout in, which according to Livestrong.com burned off 160 cals.

They came home and my BF made himself and our son a sandwich and I was just sat there with my Diet Pepsi. He kept looking over at me so in the end I made myself a low fat cheese slice sandwich using 1 slice of white bread and 1 gram of light margarine. Total - 153.5 cals. So not worth it.

After that my son looked crestfallen when he offered me a Jaffa Cake and I declined, so I ate it to please him. Tack on another 45 cals. Oh dear.

Went shopping and managed to get some juice for my liquid fast tomorrow :)

Also found some Ryvita Snack Packs (Salt And Vinegar flavour) which are 75 cals a bag. Fab low cal snacking stuff. Had a pack of them to see if they were nice, and they actually aren't bad. Add those 75 cals. I'm on a slippery slope here.

Anyway for tea my BF cooked turkey breast steak, with homemade roast potatoes and baked beans. It tasted lovely and, again according to Livestrong.com, came to 517 cals. Haven't done all that bad then but still wish I'd done better.

Total cals for the day - 937.3. Feeling like a fat fat fat cow now and my tummy aches.

If I have a loss tomorrow it will be a miracle. Looking forward to my liquid fast even more now. Might even make it a 2 day affair. We shall see. Everything depends on the morning number on the scales.

GSK xoxo

Ugh...

I've put on half a pound this morning...

I'm so disappointed, after all, I did manage to stay sub 500 cals all day, with the final amount of cals consumed being 402 cals.

I know half a pound may not seem a lot and I can easily work that off, but in my heart of hearts I know I deserved that gain. I was stupid to eat that pastry, really fucking stupid. I knew it was laden with butter in the pastry, and the chicken and bacon in creamy sauce must have been dripping with crap and calories. And I gobbled it down like the fat pig that I am. Ugh.

Well, a new day, a new start. Time to get back on the thin-wagon.

I'm going to struggle to stay below 1000 cals today as my BF is cooking dinner, and with just me, him and my son sitting at the table to eat it's going to be difficult to avoid eating whatever he makes me. But I have to look at this obstacle objectively. The only two meals I am obliged to eat to avoid my family having 'the talk about dieting', are lunch with Mother on Thursdays and dinner with my son and BF on Sunday. That still leaves me plenty opportunities on the other days to restrict/fast. ::smile::

For breakfast today I had 1 slice of white bread toast with 2 grams of light margarine - 77 cals.

And 1 cup of tea with 2 sweetener tabs and 50 mls of semi skimmed milk - 28.8 cals. Followed by a small box of raisins - 41 cals.

Total cals so far - 146.8. Not too bad. I may be able to avoid lunch as my BF is taking my son swimming. Will try to fit in a Davina workout while they're gone in an effort to shift that half a pound.

I will be thin, no matter what. And I am really looking forward to my first liquid fast tomorrow :)

GSK xoxo

Happy 1st of October :) xoxo

Oh I do love Autumn. I know it's been Autumn for a while now but October is when it really starts for me. And with the countdown to Christmas already begun I think it's time that I set myself some goals to aim for with my weight in order to keep me focused. I do think focus is the key to success. If you become unfocused it's easy to spiral out of control, and then the depression sets in which makes everything harder.

Okay, I'm going to set myself an UGW (Ultimate Goal Weight) and IGW (Interim Goal Weights). If I try to aim too far I'm going to struggle so the IGW's will keep me on the right path, like little target post-it notes reminding me not only how far I have to go but as I achieve each one it will remind me how far I've come.

So, my UGW is 112 lbs (8 st). Although this may change to a lower figure in time, who knows. But for now I think that's realistic.

My IGW's are going to come down in 10's as follows:

IGW 1 - 150 lbs.

IGW 2 - 140 lbs.

IGW 3 - 130 lbs.

IGW 4 - 120 lbs.

Then it will just be a case of aiming for the UGW.

According to the scales I've lost another pound. Slow and steady I suppose though if I'm being honest I was hoping for more than that after yesterdays stellar effort and low calorie intake, plus all the exercise I got whilst painting the stairs ::groan::

Still, down from 160lbs to 155.5 lbs in 3 days is good. But it could definitely be better. 4.5 lbs lost is favourable to 4.5 lbs gained.

Today I was planning to fast, but under the watchful eyes of my BF I don't think that will be a) possible and b) a wise move. If he knew that I was going to start fasting I think he'd freak out. I wouldn't, but he definitely would.

That said then, I'm planning to have my first fast day on Monday. My son is at school and BF is at work so I am alone most of the day which will make things easier and keep what I'm doing under the radar. When my son comes home from school I can say I only had a late lunch so not particularly hungry yet,and when my BF comes over I can just tell him that I've already eaten and hopefully neither will be any the wiser.

Woah, when did I become so cunning and deceptive? That's really not like me. I kind of typed that paragraph without much conscious thought. I don't lie to people. But I think I may have to in order to avoid their worrying. I don't like the idea of people worrying about me.

However, on the other hand I can't stay at this weight any longer. And the amount of weight I've managed to lose in a short space of time by simply restricting and counting my calorie intake is alluring and addictive. If I keep this up it is possible I can hit my UGW by Christmas... And that definitely perks me up and motivates me to keep going no matter what.

Today I must not be coerced into consuming more than 500 cals. I know my BF will probably offer McDonald's for lunch and that will tempt me so much as my former binge eating self will scream for sustinance, but I MUST NOT BE TEMPTED.

I've skipped breakfast and am just going to have a green tea. Will drink plenty of water between now and lunch so that if BF does indeed offer takeaway I'll be quite full and thus it will be easier to resist the temptation.

Wish me luck.

GSK xoxo

Managed to stay on track for the rest of the day. Fingers crossed I've done enough to manage another loss tomorrow. Was debating on fasting tomorrow but since my BF is coming over to help me gloss the staircase I under-coated today I think it's highly unlikely I can get away with avoiding solids like the plague. Ugh :/

I was really good when Father came over, I had 2 cups of black coffee each with 2 sweetener tabs in which came to a total of 18.4 cals. Oh and a McVitie's Digestive biscuit at 71 cals because Father was eyeing me suspiciously as I didn't take a biscuit from the biscuit tin. What he hadn't commented on was me cooking him a breakfast muffin and smearing it in jam, giving him cake and chocolate whilst not eating anything myself. Genius.

Skipped lunch as I was so busy painting the stairs that time completely ran away with me. In a way I am grateful for the distraction, it stops me thinking about food all the damn time.

For dinner I had 2 Quorn Veggie Burgers at 80 cals each. First time I've ever had them and they were really tasty :) Will more than likely buy those again as they are low in calories and taste scrummy.

Total cal count for the day is 357.2.

Well done me. This good behaviour should result in a loss on the scales in the morning. Although, that said, Aunt Flo came to visit today and am feeling a little tender and bloated, so that may tip the numbers a little against me but such is life I suppose.

GSK xoxo

Disaster :(

Well last night things got out of hand, only a little bit but still enough to throw me off track.

One of my son's fishes died and my little boy was utterly distraught and inconsolable. Which in turn made me so upset as I hate seeing him crying. :(

Once I'd put him to bed, and cleaned the fish tank for the last remaining fish, I was in tears myself. So I comfort ate the rest of that chocolate bar. Silly silly me. Why on earth did I give in? Am I so weak? Grrr. That tacked another 311 cals onto the days total already, which then took me up to a grand total of 858.8 cals for yesterday... not so good really.

I feel like a real idiot, I was trying so hard yesterday to be careful and watch what I eat and then I go and stuff it all up like that! Fat cow that I am. I need to learn to say no. I'm an impulsive person, and always have been, but I need to learn to resist. And I will pay for it today. Oh you bet I will. Less that 500 cals all day is my aim to make up for my stupidity.

However, the scales this morning said I've lost a pound and I'm down to 156.5 lbs. Which considering my weak effort of dieting yesterday is a pretty good result all things considered.

Breakfast today: 1 slice of white bread toast with 2 grams of light margarine - 77 cals.

1 cup of green tea - 1 cal.

1 cup of tea with 50 mls of semi skimmed milk and 2 sweetener tabs - 28.8 cals.

NB: The change in bread calories is because I bought a Warburtons Toastie Half Size Loaf. Each slice is 70 cals as opposed to the full size version which is 113 cals per slice.

On my way home from my son's harvest assembly at school I had a can of pepsi max - 1 cal.

So far so good. Huge improvement. Also got a fair bit of exercise to do this afternoon as I'm painting the staircase. I wonder how many calories that will burn off?

Oh god, it's only the 3rd day of my calorie counting diet and I'm becoming obsessed already. Maybe it's just time to accept my fat self once and for all and knock this on the head while I still can.

GSK xoxo

First weigh in since the diet began

So pleased with the scales this morning :) 157.5 lbs. That's a 2.5 lb loss in just one day. I'm now wondering whether the scales are accurate lol.

Busy day today, got to attend a course today for my job. All very dull, 2 hours of sitting in a conference room with lots of people I don't know, but even so I'm a bit nervous. I suppose the first day of a new job is always nerve wracking though. Really have to try not to comfort eat which I usually do when I'm nervous.

Breakfast: 1 slice of white bread toast with 2 grams of light margarine - 120 cals.

1 cup of tea with 50 mls of semi skimmed milk and 2 sweetener tabs - 28.8 cals.

Had a glass of water before going to work. My father came round and he'd bought me some chocolate from work, Dairy Milk Fruit And Nut (om nom nom). Politely declined and said I was full from breakfast but he looked disappointed so I indulged him and ate 3 small chunks which came to 85 cals (yes I checked the label).

After work I met up with Mother at Tesco for grocery shopping. I knew this would be tricky as I was on a very strict budget due to bills going out. Still, I didn't bank on it being the nightmare that it became. I was reading all the labels and checking calorie contents, and by the time I found some cheese slices that were below 100 cals per slice almost 15 minutes had gone by and I had only gone down 1 aisle. I soon got the hang of checking the calorie contents by scanning the label as I walked by which helped, but as I found more and more things that I normally buy that were really high in calories, searching for alternatives really overwhelmed me. I began to feel disorientated and claustrophobic, and just wanted to abandon my trolley and go home.

Then Mother offered to buy us some pre-packed sandwiches for lunch. I felt it would be rude to say no to her, and as she knows my eating history so well I worry about her reaction to me calorie counting again. So I did a quick scan of each label as I pretended to look for a filling I liked. Finally I picked out a ham and salad sandwich for just 245 cals. Not bad really, and the lowest calorie filling on the shelf so felt pretty pleased with myself.

Had a glass of water with my sandwiches and then Mother spotted the chocolate bar Father had bought me, sitting on the arm of the sofa. She broke off 3 small chunks and passed them my way. Now I love my Mother dearly, and I know she will worry about me if I don't have any as normally I love chocolate. So I eat them. Tag another 85 cals on. Grrr.

Managed to avoid having any tea to make up for the extra cals I've consumed but no doubt I will be hungry again by supper time. Hopefully I can resist until the morning. However, I really REALLY want to finish that chocolate bar.

GSK xoxo

The rest of the day has gone pretty well, though the hunger pangs and rumbling tummy bothered me a little around 10am and 2pm, but it was nothing I couldn't cope with. After all, it's very obvious that I'm not starving myself but I do wonder if counting calories is my way of restricting?

I know I'm supposed to consume 2000 calories a day but even to me that seems like a lot. But at the end of the day I want to lose weight and be thinner, so I have to restrict something to achieve the weight loss. Not sure what lengths I will go to to become thinner, but I have a feeling of self satisfaction already, knowing that I haven't consumed as much as I am supposed to.

It's an odd mixture of achievement and anxiety. The achievement is self explanatory. The anxiety of treading down the road with only Ana for company worries me a little. I'm pretty sure that since it's only day one that I'm still in control. But who knows where my dieting journey will take me.

I do wonder though, if Ana is a state of mind in some ways. Like the urge to eat less or restrict or starve oneself is ingrained into our psyche from an earlier point in life. Maybe some people are more prone to eating disorders than others. I don't know really. All I know is that I'm so disgusted with the lady in the mirror that I imagine I will do anything to change her. Well, almost anything.

My intake for the rest of the day was pretty low but I'm not hungry or eating junk food so I think that is pretty satisfying.

Mid Afternoon snack: 1 strawberry low fat yoghurt - 98 cals.

3 glasses of water - 0 cals.

NB: The drinks of water help to curb the hunger pangs a little.

Dinner: 1 small box of raisins: 41 cals.

1 cup of tea with 50 mls semi skimmed milk and 2 sweetener tabs - 28.8 cals.

Evening: 1 glass of water - 0 cals.

I'm not overly hungry, but I do think that on a normal day I would have eaten myself out of house and home as they say.

Narrowly dodged a few questions from my BF though. He knows all about my eating history and was present for a lot of it as we have been together for 8 years. He came in from work, sat on the sofa while our son ate his dinner and asked me what I was having for my dinner. I told him I'd already eaten and when he asked what I'd had I lied and said a cup-o-soup. Why did I lie? Because I don't want him to worry unduly and all that because I'm okay. So far.

Then he offered me some chocolate and I said 'no thanks, I'm not hungry'.

I think that sometimes I may have to indulge the people I love otherwise they will start to worry. As long as I know I'm okay then I'm not going to see them worry or get upset over my eating habits.

Anyway, the total daily calorie intake was 387.6. Very low indeed. Will see what the scales say tomorrow. Night angels.

GSK xoxo

The day things changed

I got up today and realised that I need to get a grip. I undressed for my morning bath and the person staring back at me in the mirror both repulsed me and made me feel nauseous. As with every other day I vowed that today I would change something. But for a change, today,I actually mean it.

I am aware that I need to be careful with weight loss and the measures that I may resort to take to shift the excess baggage. And that is where this blog comes in handy. I'm hoping it will help me to keep my sanity above all else and help me to stay in control.

I have previously suffered with eating issues. I may have had an eating disorder, but as I never saw my doctor about it nothing was ever made official in my medical records.

I think my family knew I was having problems. I wasn't overly self-conscious as such, but I was naturally thin. Not emaciated or anything that extreme, but a size 8 for most of my teenage years. I didn't watch what I ate, but I never seemed to have an appetite at all. Some days I would make myself eat something because I worried about dying. I didn't want to die. And I still don't. I now have a gorgeous 5 year old son to care for and that is my priority. I hope that never changes.

After getting pregnant I piled on the pounds and went up to my heaviest at 179lbs (12 st 8 lbs). From there I struggled to lose the weight and spent a lot of time binge eating and then feeling so guilt ridden that I would barely eat the next day or even starve myself, telling myself over and over that this was okay and I had consumed 2 days worth of food in 1 day and the starvation was me balancing the scales.

Then I went to college in 2009 and the exercise I was getting was intense. Walking up and down 5/6 flights of stairs several times a day and eating healthy lunches in the college canteen did me a world of good and I dropped to a dress size 10 :) (I think that's a size 6 in US sizes).

Once I finished college and I was back to sitting about at home all day with time to kill the weight crept back on. And on. And on. Until I was right back where I started.

In January 2011 I joined Slimming World and made fabulous progress, losing 2 st (28 lbs) in 3 months. I was getting fit and losing the weight I'd struggled with for quite some time. Then my finances came into play and I realised that I genuinely couldn't afford to waste £20 a month on dieting classes when I was struggling to make ends meet. So I left.

I cycled from Manchester to Blackpool (61 miles) for charity in July and the training kept the weight off. But now the event is over, and I'm sat at home again with all the goodies in the cupboard and I am finding it so hard to say no. Which might explain why the scales this morning informed me that I weigh a shocking 160.2 lbs. Oh dear indeed.

So the calorie counting begins in earnest. I titled my blog 'My descent into Ana' because I fear that could well be where I end up, though it may not be a conscious decision.

It is now almost noon and I have managed to consume wisely I think.

Breakfast: 1 glass of diluted Kia Ora NAS Orange Cordial - 6 cals.

1 cup of tea with 50 mls of semi-skimmed milk and 2 sweetener tabs - 28.8 cals.

1 slice of white bread toast with 2 grams of light margarine - 120 cals.

Another glass of Kia Ora before lunch - 6 cals.

Lunch: 1 cup of Slim-A-Soup - 59 cals.

1 glass of water - 0 cals.

So far so good. Not sure what my goal weight is at this point. But I was happiest at 8 st (112 lbs). Which as far as I know is healthy for my height, 5ft 4in.

Hopefully I can stick to this. More to the point I hope it works because I can't carry on being this unhappy. Not any more. xoxo