Disappointment

So gutted.  


My scales have been incorrect and admitting it was hard because I liked what they said.  But when I went seeing the therapist last month she weighed me and I was 149lbs, whereas on my scales in the morning I was 141lbs and I'd only had a black coffee before I went to the appointment.  I naively said 'well her scales are wrong'.  But then Mother came and weighed herself on my scales she said 'Ooh, I like your scales hon, they say I'm half a stone lighter'.


Eventually the penny dropped and yesterday I went to buy some new scales (which I paid a lot for), some WeightWatcher's Precision Scales.  The sad thing is that both Mother's scales and Pauline's scales were accurate all along.  


This means however that I'm fatter than I thought and after I thought I was doing so so well it's all been shot to shit and I'm upset and disheartened.

Morning weight = 145lbs.  FAT FAT FAT FAT!!!!!!!!


Had some breakfast for the first time in ages with my son.  It felt awful and so wrong that I was so slow eating it.  I'm beginning to feel like a crazy person.  This isn't how things should be, and I do see that in some ways but I can't picture doing anything differently now.  I've got 33lbs to lose to get to my UGW of 112lbs.  I will lose it, I promise.  Not sure who I'm making this promise to really but it's out there anyway.


  Day fourteen: Do you ever allow yourself a “rest day” from exercise or a “cheat day” from your diet?


Not as such, no.  Maybe I should, and it might make things easier.  But a cheat day for me would signal a loss of control and I can't let that happen.  Because once I start eating I fear I won't stop and that thought alone puts me off.


I'm debating on having another go at the ABC diet....I don't know.  I'd like to get at least into the 2nd week before bottling out.  I've looked at the results people have had with this diet and it shows that it works.  And I need to drop this weight, it's making me unhappy beyond all possible measure.


May start it tomorrow.  Last time I got to day 5 and stumbled into a frenzied binge and screwed it all up.  


Must get beyond Day 5.  Must get beyond it.


Much love,


AK xoxo