I am aware that I need to be careful with weight loss and the measures that I may resort to take to shift the excess baggage. And that is where this blog comes in handy. I'm hoping it will help me to keep my sanity above all else and help me to stay in control.
I have previously suffered with eating issues. I may have had an eating disorder, but as I never saw my doctor about it nothing was ever made official in my medical records.
I think my family knew I was having problems. I wasn't overly self-conscious as such, but I was naturally thin. Not emaciated or anything that extreme, but a size 8 for most of my teenage years. I didn't watch what I ate, but I never seemed to have an appetite at all. Some days I would make myself eat something because I worried about dying. I didn't want to die. And I still don't. I now have a gorgeous 5 year old son to care for and that is my priority. I hope that never changes.
After getting pregnant I piled on the pounds and went up to my heaviest at 179lbs (12 st 8 lbs). From there I struggled to lose the weight and spent a lot of time binge eating and then feeling so guilt ridden that I would barely eat the next day or even starve myself, telling myself over and over that this was okay and I had consumed 2 days worth of food in 1 day and the starvation was me balancing the scales.
Then I went to college in 2009 and the exercise I was getting was intense. Walking up and down 5/6 flights of stairs several times a day and eating healthy lunches in the college canteen did me a world of good and I dropped to a dress size 10 :) (I think that's a size 6 in US sizes).
Once I finished college and I was back to sitting about at home all day with time to kill the weight crept back on. And on. And on. Until I was right back where I started.
In January 2011 I joined Slimming World and made fabulous progress, losing 2 st (28 lbs) in 3 months. I was getting fit and losing the weight I'd struggled with for quite some time. Then my finances came into play and I realised that I genuinely couldn't afford to waste £20 a month on dieting classes when I was struggling to make ends meet. So I left.
I cycled from Manchester to Blackpool (61 miles) for charity in July and the training kept the weight off. But now the event is over, and I'm sat at home again with all the goodies in the cupboard and I am finding it so hard to say no. Which might explain why the scales this morning informed me that I weigh a shocking 160.2 lbs. Oh dear indeed.
So the calorie counting begins in earnest. I titled my blog 'My descent into Ana' because I fear that could well be where I end up, though it may not be a conscious decision.
It is now almost noon and I have managed to consume wisely I think.
Breakfast: 1 glass of diluted Kia Ora NAS Orange Cordial - 6 cals.
1 cup of tea with 50 mls of semi-skimmed milk and 2 sweetener tabs - 28.8 cals.
1 slice of white bread toast with 2 grams of light margarine - 120 cals.
Another glass of Kia Ora before lunch - 6 cals.
Lunch: 1 cup of Slim-A-Soup - 59 cals.
1 glass of water - 0 cals.
So far so good. Not sure what my goal weight is at this point. But I was happiest at 8 st (112 lbs). Which as far as I know is healthy for my height, 5ft 4in.
Hopefully I can stick to this. More to the point I hope it works because I can't carry on being this unhappy. Not any more. xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment